Therese’s Baby on Board: You’re never fully dressed without thick skin

If there’s anything I’ve learned in the first 29 weeks of pregnancy, it’s that now is the time to start building mental toughness.

I’d expect it to come in handy in the months and years that lie ahead– from tantrums and sleepless nights, all the way through teenage angst and watching my kids go off to college.

First, we have 11 more weeks of waiting to get through, as my husband and I prepare for our lives to completely change once baby arrives. But for me, personally, there’s the added bonus of building a mental toughness toward the major physical changes that have come along with pregnancy.

Let’s face it: Women have been getting pregnant and having babies for thousands of years. The concept is nothing new. Many choose to do it multiple times. I’m sure I will eventually repeat the process as well. Yet, despite warnings from friends, family, and even some strangers, I didn’t realize just how hard it would be.

Believe me, I count my blessings everyday that I have had a healthy pregnancy so far, and that our baby boy appears to be in perfect health as well. There is no greater gift I’ve ever received than learning we created this little guy.

But one thing no one warned me of was just how much mental toughness it would take to get through the physical changes associated with pregnancy. I’ve never been one to complain about or overanalyze my body. I’ve been petite my entire life– through my grammar school years, I was always one of the three to five shortest kids in my class. I never had a reason to be bothered by it, and accepted my fate as a smaller girl when I realized I wouldn’t grow much past eighth grade. It always meant I was among the weaker athletes on my softball and basketball teams, but among the easiest to toss in the air in cheerleading. Again, neither fazed me much. What I lack in size and strength, I’ve always made up for in enthusiasm.

Looking back, I consider myself lucky to have been numb to my own body image during some of the hardest times for young girls. I know many don’t make it out of their teenage years unscathed by looking at their reflection in the mirror, especially in a society that places so much value on women looking darn near perfect 24/7. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized just how ridiculous and unrealistic those standards are. I can’t imagine being a teenage girl today, in an age where social media completely throws a whole new monkey wrench into the situation. Still, as a young adult, I am not completely unaffected by the messages constantly being thrown at women via Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, social bloggers, and the like. It’s easy to get caught up in continuously scrolling through beauty and fashion blogs and social media sites, all the while wondering why my eyelashes aren’t as long or my hair isn’t as bouncy as someone else’s.

Getting into television broadcasting threw me for more of a loop when it came to body image. I had always known that looking and dressing “the part” as a reporter and anchor was an important part of the job, but by far, not everything. Still, I stocked my closet with dresses and blazers in every color of the rainbow, bought the right makeup to cover blemishes in high definition, and learned how to properly curl and tease my hair the “anchor” way. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that a major part of my wardrobe would be the thick skin I needed to build to process and dispel comments thrown my way through the years.

What I’ve learned is that people’s words can be brutal. And when hiding behind a computer screen, it gets even worse. I’ve gotten everything from “whoever does her makeup should be fired” to “she sounds like Minnie Mouse on drugs.” Then there were the three… yes, THREE… times that I received comments, questions, and even congratulations about looking pregnant on the news– all, mind you, BEFORE I was married and actually pregnant.

My theory on that is this: You probably wouldn’t ask your waitress if she was pregnant while she’s trying to do her job serving you food. That means you probably shouldn’t ask a reporter if she’s pregnant, while also trying to do her job of delivering you the news.

My bosses and mentors have reminded me constantly throughout the years that every negative comment is another building block of that “thicker skin” I’m working on.

Now that I actually AM pregnant, I’m happy to share the wonderful news with the world, and especially with our viewers. And I will say– I have not received a single negative comment from anyone (at least, not yet!) pertaining to my pregnancy. Everyone has been beyond supportive, complimentary, and encouraging, and I’ve been so appreciative of everyone’s kind words and well wishes.

Surprisingly, it’s the comments I’ve received from people I know personally who could have used a better filter on their words. Here’s my disclaimer: If you’ve commented on how I look during my pregnancy, I’m NOT going to call you out here. We can glaze right over the specifics without making this uncomfortable for anyone! The bottom line is, I know that every comment has come from good intentions. I highly doubt that any friends, family or acquaintances ever meant to offend me. But I will say– that “thick skin” I thought I had built has been put to the test over the last seven months, and I’m sure it’s only going to get more difficult in the final two months before baby comes.

Still, the comments have not yet ceased to amaze me. I’ve heard everything from referring to “waddling” to “fitting” into clothes and in small spaces. It seems like I’ve come home to my husband every few days with at least one new comment that’s astounded me. He’s probably been the most helpful person along this journey for many reasons, but especially when it comes to building the mental toughness I speak of. Brian has a wonderful way of not caring what other people think of him, as long as he knows he’s doing the right thing and has the support of myself and our family. He’s great at not letting the little things drag him down, and has always embraced what makes him different. I love those things about him– probably because I’m really bad at realizing those things myself. But isn’t that why we embark on these journeys through marriage– to have someone by our sides who makes us a better version of ourselves?

Mushy stuff aside, I’ve been working on putting those comments in a small drawer in the back of my mind, with all the other junk that doesn’t need to affect me day in and day out. As I approach the final stretch of this pregnancy, I realize the hardest times only lie ahead– I still have a LOT of growing to do! I’ve also tried to remind myself that my growing belly and body is a sign that Baby Boy is growing too– which is not just a positive thing, but is necessary to delivering a healthy little guy. I want him to grow big and strong (and hopefully acquire some of Brian’s height, strength, and eventually, athletic abilities!) With that, I’ll have to accept the fact that I’m going to have to grow, too, and that after he’s born, it’s up to me to get back into shape to continue being a healthy mom.

I’ve tried my hardest to stay in shape throughout my pregnancy, despite the lack of energy and desire for junk food that most expecting moms go through. I’ve pushed myself to get to the gym at least once, if not two or three times a week (aside from during those awful days of morning sickness during the first trimester). I’ll talk more about what’s worked for me and how working out has helped me during my pregnancy in the coming weeks.

And listen—I’m not looking for any kind of sympathy. I’m not the first woman over the centuries to become pregnant, and I certainly won’t be the last. Does being on television throughout pregnancy throw an added stressor into the mix? Of course. Most women don’t have to show off their growing bellies to thousands of people on a daily basis. But many who work in the news business do, and have been for years. Many of the women I work with everyday have had two or more children, and they’ve stuck it out on camera through each pregnancy. They’re some of the strongest and most beautiful women I know, inside and out. When it comes down to it, we’re here to do our jobs as journalists, and to make a living to help support our families.

Regardless, I know that after going through it myself, I’ll forever approach other women differently when it comes to pregnancy. In my opinion, a simple “you look great!” is all that it takes to brighten a mom-to-be’s day. If you don’t mean it, then don’t say it. It’s fine. We’ll go about our days and continue to smile, knowing we have the best little thing of our lives growing within. If we’re lucky, we have family, friends, and significant others at home encouraging us throughout the most difficult 40 weeks of our lives.

I give all the moms out there a world of credit for staying strong. If you’re unlike me, and body image never phased you throughout pregnancy– I give you extra kudos. Either way, it’s one more thing we can add to the list of things preparing us for motherhood. I know the thick skin and mental toughness will come in handy on a daily basis once Baby Boy is here– and I can’t wait to be a strong mommy for both him and myself.